It has been a long time away from blogland for me. The truth is that I was wallowing in fear and negativity. All that changed about two and a half months ago when my heart attacked me on a Wednesday Night while watching television. Pain shot through my chest, down my arms and into my jaw. Cold sweat poured down my face. I was sure I was going to die.
On the ambulance ride to the hospital, while nitro glycerine burned the bottom of my tongue, I was busy making my peace with God and a feeling came upon me that God was with me and that I was going to be seen through this trial. For the first time in a long while I was glad to be alive...really glad...and that my life was a gift that I was to cherish and live to the fullest each day. Life was something to be joyful about and to be savored. I realized in those few minutes that I had not been living God's best for me. I had been jammed up by depression, negativity and fear.
After a couple days in the hospital, I was told I had an unstable angina event. Worse yet...tests showed that I had a badly diseased gall bladder, liver infection and a hernia. I would live through the heart stuff with just medication, but I would need to have major open abdominal surgery to take care of the other stuff.
When I was in the hospital someone gave me a book by Joel Osteen called "Become A Better You." I knew him as the positive preaching guy who smiled alot on television with the slowly spinning globe behind him on stage. I wasn't going to read the book because I was convinced it would be "hokey" and not deeply theological. But I decided to read it anyway. It had a wonderful impact upon me.
It reminded me that I was important to God. That God wanted to bless me and I was allowing a lot of junk to keep me from God's best. I was looking for the worst in myself and the worst in others. Then...when I was at Kingdom Bound in New York I was listening to the music of this worship guy Robin Mark when it hit me. It was up to me. God would supply my needs and put me in situations to be impacted and to impact others. I simply needed to prepare for the rain of blessings He wanted to bestow on me and on others through me. I decided to embrace this and make some changes in my life.
I'm back at Wesley UMC with a new attitude. To build up and encourage others to receive the best God has to offer...to see the best in people rather than their shortcomings...to see every minute as an opportunity to be positive about God, myself and others...to seek God in every area of life, relationships and trials. I want to be blessed by God and be a blessing to others.
God has blessed me. I came through my surgery and am recovering well. I was able to witness to my doctors and nurses and all who came to visit by being positive about my healing, my future and my faith. It's amazing how almost losing your life can help you find it again. I thank God for the experience and hope that my future postings will be meaningful.
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