That Old Good Feeling Again

God Blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  (New Living Translation)

Have you ever seen one of those Loreal hair color commercials with model Andie McDowell where at the end of the commercial she says, "Why not?  After all...we're worth it.

That seems to be the prevailing sentiment in our world today.  We believe that we are worth every bit of preening and pampering we can get.  Whether it is hair or clothes, or a might out on the town, a new car, drinking to excess or getting high on our drug of choice, we spend a good bit of time seeking that which makes us feel good.  It is that old good feeling which most of us can't help but avoid chasing after.  It is the main reason why most of us overeat, overdrink, over sex, overshop, overspend and just plain old over do it.  We want to feel that good feeling over and over again.

Seeking out that good feeling is all that keeps many of us functioning from day to day.  We want that good feeling by having an edge at work.  We yearn for the approval of others and of course, we all want to be liked.  All these things serve as time well spent in the hot tub that is the pleasure principle of life.

We live in a world where our happiness always has to come first.  We want that good feeling all the time. 

When I was morbidly obese and eating without restraint, it was one of the few good feelings I would get.  The feeling of not only swalling huge bites of pizza and subs were pleasurable, but feeling full was a sort of fix that I needed to have everytime I ate.  I went for all the comfort foods, chips and dip, pizza, subs, chocolate and ice cream.  I was so sunk in depression from leaving ministry that in a couple of years I went from weighing 195 pounds to topping out at 320.


It wasn't the food and the weight as it was the type II diabetes, the high blood pressure and the sleep apnea that convinced me that something needed to change.  Even though my mood had improved, the anti-depressants I was taking added side effects that only led to more weight gain. I never felt worse in my whole life.

I learned something about all my excesses.  I had never really ever taken the time to mourn the loss of my ministry at Lawrence Park UMC and had simply been unable to come to terms with what had happened to me. I lost not only my church, but my career, my calling, my home and my position in the community.  In a very real sense, I had lost my life, but never really allowed myself to mourn what happened.  I simply tried to fill in the hole I had in my heart with food.

Being stuck in depression is not the same is being in mourning.  Depression is more of us feeling helpless and overwhelmed by the crisis we have been through.  Depression causes us to surrender to the pain and despair in our lives. 

With all the health problems I was developing due to being so overweight, I knew I could not return to the food for comfort any longer.  I decided that I had to make a bold move to get my life in order.  I decided to have gastric by-pass surgery which, my doctors felt, would enable me to lose about 130 pounds.  In doing so, I needed to change my whole approach to living.  Especially with food.  The question was: Why do I always overeat even when I'm not hungry?  My answer: Because it feels so damn good.

But as I lost 160 pounds, I learned how to approach food anew.  I learned to look at food as fuel I needed to have for nutrition.  Yes, I still wanted pizza, chips and dip and burgers and fries, but I would only eat a fraction of the food and then I was satisfied.  I learned to stop eating before I was full and to leave that good feeling behind.  Besides overeating would only make me sick.

I still find myself seeking a good feeling.  We all do.  Some of us find it a strip bars and by looking at internet pornagraphy.  Some of us look forward to it through relationships other than our marriages.  Many seek that good feeling through slavery to drugs and alcohol.  Some find that good feeling at the mall...buying clothes and pulling out credit cards.  Some find it in fancy cars and expensive houses.  No matter who we are, we are looking for that good feeling.

The problem is that a lasting good feeling will not come from these things.  They are momentary, cheap and shallow and at the end of the day, the distraction we thought would please us so much has brought us right back to where we started.  We want a good feeling.  We want something to fill the hole that we have in our lives.  These things will not give us what we are missing in our lives.

I would argue that the hole we have in our lives operates at a subconscious level and we are not always aware of what it is.  The first step is coming to terms with what we are missing and mourn that loss in our lives.  It is only when we take the time to mourn over the fact that we have lost loved ones, that our marriages aren't working, that we are in financial trouble or we just have emotional hurt and baggage that there is a chance for healing.  A good, lasting happiness will not grace our lives until we mourn what is at the root of our search for a quick, cheap good feeling.

1. We mourn when we are open to God and those around us about the pain we feel.  We can't claim any healing grace from God until we name what we are mourning over.  True healing only happens when we admit what is wrong and take it to God in prayer.  God has a special place in his heart to heal any who mourn.  The sermon on the mount makes it clear.  We cannot expect God to heal our hearts and bless our lives when we are living in denial of what we mourn.  That is why sharing and listening to the people closest to us in life is so important.  Their support and perspective can help pull us out of denial and face what we need God to fix.

2. Blessings always come on the heals of denial.  It is when we come to terms with what we mourn over that God's blessing and healing can begin to work in our lives.  He will give us a shot of love.  The rest depends on what we do from there.  Do we continue to pray and see what the scriptures say about our issue?  Do we tell Christian friends so they can build a wall of prayer for our lives?  Do we develop a real action plan realizing that there are things we need to do to overcome the problem and move from mourning to healing?  I believe that we have to be courageous here.  Many times what we mourn is embarrassing, personal or sinful.  But we have to believe that only honesty and openness are necessary to healing.  Those around us are probably more willing to help then we might believe.  Even if the issue is ongoing and reoccuring.  It must be the nature of all Christians to forgive and provide compassion and help to those who earnestly and honestly seek it.

3.  Real healing from what we mourn can only come by seeking companionship with Christ.  Building a life with Christ at the center is the only way to stop from relapsing back into mourning.  That means worship, Bible reading, prayer and focus.  We have to continue to attack our issues in ways that honor Jesus.  He will not usually heal us in a flash of a moment.  Usually Jesus' healing happens over time with his grace and our responsibility.  The two work hand in hand.

Remember...God loves us no matter what weaknesses, mistakes or deficiencies there are in our lives.  He wants to take our sadness away.  Nothing we have done is too much or too bad for God to bless and help fix.  It all starts with opening our hearts to His love and going from there.