Dental Cowardice (part 2)

So I went to the dentist yesterday...and I'm still alive. The whole thing about faith and prayer worked. As a matter of fact I was able to put on an academy award worthy performance as being the normal run of the mill patient. I think I pulled it off. I'd like to put the whole thing behind me, but I have a few observations to share.

First of all, I have to go back. It turned out that I need a little work done. I knew I would. It's kind of like taking your car in for inspection. You never just get the sticker and go home. There is always something that needs fixed. The same thing is true of doctors and dentists. You are never good to go. Seek and you will find. The more doctors and dentists run tests the more unhealthy you will become. I remember hearing a surgeon say I won't know for sure what the problem is until I open you up. I kid you not. In that opening up I found out I had a bad gall bladder and a hernia. I don't know why he didn't get my appendix while he was in there. I'll tell you why...I had that out in a separate surgery months later. There is no discount for repeat customers. That's why they keep you coming back.

A second observation is that no one said "open wide." The world of television has taught us that all dental professionals say "open wide," "don't bite down" and "rinse." Although it is weird to have someone elses face so close to yours staring in your mouth, you let it go. It reminds me of the people who are "close talkers." At least the dentist has the courtesy to have fresh breath and a mask on. That is more than I can say for the people who get right in your face, providing a visual and olfactory reminder of the chili dog with onions they had for lunch.

Another observation is that you always seem to leave the dentist with a goody bag. You get a free toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and other little goodies. Why do they do that? Was your exam so bad that there was actually some doubt that you even owned a toothbrush? "Thanks for the toothbrush...I usually just use my finger." I've been through a lot of medical procedures and the only thing I ever got were scars, pain medication and one of those stupid devices where you have to suck into a hose to keep a ball in the air. One surgeon actually gave me a digital picture of my surgery. I've got that one in my wallet. I break it out at banquets and parties as an appetizer of sorts.

My last observation is that the people at Family Dental Care and Doctor Johnson were great. Although I joke about the experience, It was as good of an experience as one can have with someone sticking iron hooks in your mouth. If you don't have a dentist or have a mean one, switch to Dr. Johnson. Until next time...I'm out.