The Courage To Be...

It takes courage to talk about mental illness.  Many people asked questions about what I meant in my last post about "seeing things," hearing things," and "feeling things" that other people would never want to experience.

In a psychotic break (the word psychotic should not be followed by killer, rampage or a person's bad behavior) there are often visual, auditory and felt symptoms.  Psychosis is a break from reality brought on by depression, bi-polar or schizophrenia.  Simply defined, being psychotic means to be momentarilty confused about what is real and what is being perceived.

My visual psychotic symptoms involve me seeing shadows figures out of the corners of my eyes and also seeing them briefly among large crowds of people.  The visions last for only a blip in time but are not real...my mind has simply created them.  Why I don't know.

My auditory hallucinations involve hearing internal voices telling me constantly that they have been sent to forever keep me discouraged.  They don't identify themselves, but it is clear that they are sent to keep me down and out.

I also have "felt" hallucinations which mostly involve feelings of intense paranoia.  I feel that while in a crowd that people are paying me undue attention to me, following me or staring at me.  Often these feelings often lead to paralyzing anxiety attacks which make my heart race, go through cold sweats and often leave me shaking like a leaf.

The good and bad news are that medications can often lessen or completely aleviate these symptoms.  This the good news.  The bad news is that there are a great many side effects that come with the meds.  Some would say that the cure is worse than the disease.  Side effects include but are not limited to listlessness, fatigue, dry mouth, headaches, lack of focus, impulsiveness and the zombie like emotionless feeling many describe.

The problem is that we are afraid to talk about mental illness because they are so related to personality nad behavior.  If one has a cancerous tumor, clearly that is different.  It can be seen on x-rays and often eliminated by chemo and radiation.  People that defeat cancer are often called courageous and tough-minded.

However, mental illnesses do not show up on x-rays and mri reports.  People who battle against mentall illnesses are often seen as weak and needy.  Generally, it takes skilled psychiatrists to diagnose and treat these illness.  Add to that, that mental illnesses tend to rely heavily on patient participation in healing.  Many do not want to bear their soul in talk and group therapy.  Many don't take their meds because the side effects are so strong.  Others stop taking their meds when they feel better, convincing themselves they no longer need them.  Many times relapse is the result.

So let's clear the air when it comes to mental illness.  It is not something that is "is in one's head."  We cannot simply "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps."  We are sick with a physical illness which must be seriously treated and managed.

My next post will talk about clinical and situational depression.